Let's (Not) Burgers?

[First off, forgiveness please being all quiet on the bloggy front. I've been up to stuff, but it's stuff that can't be blogged about... yet. But don't get excited, none of it is that exciting. Except for the super-secret exciting parts, those are pretty good. Ooh, if you only knew! Mmm, boy!]

So I had two burgers in the past week, after a hiatus since before January (!!!), and as I said on my Facebook status, I think my burger-eating days might be over.

"What?!" said the omnivores on Planet Kirk.

"You go, girl!" said the vegetarians/vegans, since they use outdated slang that I find hilarious. I could say "You go, girl!" for, like, an hour straight. I probably have. All alone, rocking back and forth, saying "You go, girl!" over and over and over.

I must explain the burger thing. Yeah, I think I'm done with 'em. I'm just not digging on them anymore. Back in the day, I loved them so hard, but these two in the past week - one from Better Burger and then today from Petey's Burger down the street - just left me feeling gross and greasy and unfulfilled, and that's not how I want to feel after eating food. I want to feel good and greaseless and fulfilled.

So maybe I've just moved on. Or at least, that's what I thought as I started to write this blog, but then I got a suggestion for a place in Park Slope, and I remembered how Petey's seems to be based off In-N-Out (back when I'd fly out to LaLa Land for work, I'd eat In-N-Out every day, mmm, boy!), and then the Message from Petey over on his website really inspired me, so maybe I'm not done yet.

Usually, if a restaurant or food fails me once, they're dead to me, just like that Thai place down the street. Fuck those guys! But sometimes I'm the type of person who will go "I didn't dig this meal. Better get it again tomorrow." (see: waffle sandwiches). So I dunno. As it stands right now, I'll probably get Petey's tomorrow. Except without the fries and milkshake. Just too much. Maybe just the milkshake.

But then, I dunno. Maybe I don't care. People suggest vegetarian burgers and I've had them and they're fine. It's like with bacon. I've had a lot of that fake bacon over these past few months. It's fine. I don't miss real bacon (maybe because I get it on my Papa John's pizzas all the time), when I eat the fake kind I'm not like, "Boy, I wish this was real." It doesn't taste the same but I don't care much one way or the other.

Also, it's interesting to note that I don't have this ambivalence toward hot dogs. I was talking with Julie about hot dogs today, and how good they are. God, they taste good! Especially if the skin is crispy. Mmm, boy!

Maybe I just don't love hamburgers because they rarely sock it to me (TerryBurgers being one exception). I'm picky about the bun, mostly. Few places have the proper buns. You could say the same thing about people. You go, girl! So if I don't like the bun or the lettuce or the tomato, I'm like, "Meh."

Hot dogs are easy. All their buns are the same. But a good burger is truly hard to find (and I don't think GoodBurger has good burgers).

If only Bachelor Chow would be invented, then all this food angst could end forever.