Let's 25 Things About Me!

There's some great thing going around on Facebook where you write 25 things about you then tag 25 other people and eventually you get a million dollars. I kept mine short, but had SO MUCH MORE to say on the subject, so here's the Extended Edition.

1. Nothing makes me laugh harder than a good clip from America’s Funniest Home Videos. You ever seen this pinata montage? YouTube does not do it justice.


2. My favorite memory (the one that could summon my Patronus) is of dancing to “I Wanna Dance With Someboy (Who Loves Me)” at some random UCB party with a pretty girl. This has happened at almost every UCB party I’ve ever been to, so I get to relive this memory pretty frequently. I need this song on my iPod.

3. I’m always more comfortable in a costume or mask or behind a puppet. Performing (whether it's improvising or announcing for the roller derby or even singing in a choir) is ever so much easier when I'm wearing some kind of costume. What does that say about me? When am I not myself? Are there any horse socks?

4. Karaoke is the best. I love it so hard. To me, the mark of a good friend is someone who will go to karaoke at the drop of a dime. That's all I want, really. The only bad thing is you can't do it alone without being a lunatic. I'd be doing karaoke right now if I could, but it's socially unacceptable.

5. I love a good Simpsons reference. Recently someone said “Tappa tappa tappa,” and that made me happy, because it’s an uncommon one. And then I had to scour the Internet for this heart-wrenching comic I read last year: "Don't Cry for Me, I'm Already Dead" by Rebecca Sugar. Please read it. I just did, and it took the wind out of my sails for this entire project.

6. I’m kind of sad that I’m too old to audition for American Idol. I wanted to do it with Cakey (see? There's that puppet thing again), because it might be good publicity, and then show up the next day and do it seriously. What if I made it? We'll never know now.

7. My memory is pretty terrible. I forget everything. The first time I did this, I wrote that Simpsons reference thing twice, because I forgot. Terrible!

8. If I could have any job in the entire world, it would be a Disney Imagineer.

9. I love to lie (or, as I consider it, "telling stories" or "being funny" or "exaggerating a li'l"), and wanted to put “a Chippendales dancer” for that last answer, but I go to great efforts to be truthful in things like these. Usually when I lie, I try to own up to it within a few minutes.

10. Because I’m a proofreader at heart, I looked up Chippendales on Wikipedia to see if it has an apostrophe in it (it doesn’t), and then read the crazy history about it. Check it out, it’s creepy.

11. Bowser used to be my favorite character in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, but I changed my mind after getting Toon Link. Toon Link is faster than regular Link, who I used to love, but he seemed to slow down in Brawl. I usually go for quicker characters, but think Sonic the Hedgehog and Fox suck ballz.

12. If I could have one superpower or wish, it would be that I could stop and start time at will. I think about this at least once per day. And then, to make it interesting, I usually add all sorts of limitations on it (to see when I'd think it's not worth having anymore) - what if I could only stop time for 60 seconds, once per day? What if I could only do it once? What if I could stop time, but it would last for an entire year?

13. I believe in the power of wishes, when done properly (which most people don’t know how to do). I usually get what I wish for. People have asked me about the proper way to wish. Obviously, you can't tell anyone. Two, you have to be in the right state of belief. That's the hard part. I think you either have it or you don't, you can't learn to trust that your wish will come true. It's like learning to fly (you have to fall down and forget to hit the ground). It's not easy. I'm just lucky in that it comes naturally to me.

14. If there was an actual zombie apocalypse, I think I’d probably commit suicide. This sounds grim, but NYC is gonna be a white zone, and there's no way I'm getting out of here alive. At best, I could hole up in this apartment, but would eventually run out of food while MILLIONS of zombies swarm around below. I couldn't live that life of fear.

15. I believe in parallel universes where every single possibility and choice plays out (see the Red Dwarf episode “Dimension Jump” for details). So somewhere out there is the Kirk who got his life 100% correct, and is as happy as I'd ever be physically able. I'm happy for that Kirk. I don't know what my percentage is, but it's pretty good. As the Dark Knight would say, "It's a good life. Good enough."

16. I think Chelsea Clinton is a honey. Many years ago I dreamed we were dating, and we were in the White House kitchen late at night, and her dad stumbled in sleepily, looking for a midnight snack. And seeing the president, half-asleep and in a bathrobe, I realized he's just a man like the rest of us. It's a very weird dream to have, but it's stayed with me.

17. I have almost 500 friends on Facebook, but only four of them are people I would call up to chat or hang out with regularly. Everyone else is just an acquaintance in my whirlwind life. I'm OK with it; four people is a lot, actually, when it comes to karaoke.

18. I like the smell of our gerbils. They smell good! I try to feed them by hand several times a day, so they think of me as some benevolent god. Then whey they are good, I take them out on the couch or play trampoline with them, which either terrifies, delights, or has no effect on them whatsoever.

19. My biggest regret that I can remember is not buying those paintings of hamsters as Doctor Who at Dragon*Con. And yet, I thought the paintings of hamsters as Indiana Jones or Captain Jack Sparrow were stupid. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

20. I’m really scared of snakes. Like, seriously. I hate them, and don't want to touch one or hold one. I touched one once, that was enough, because it bit me and I had to go to the hospital to get anti-venom (that last part is a lie - though I DID touch a snake once, at a museum or something).

21. One of the first things I do when I get home is take off my pants. Pants are torture. I hate them. In a previous life, I must've been a woman or Scottish or something, because pants are a waste of time.

22. I could spend about four hours a day in the bathtub. Or more. In Saint Augustine, I would often fall asleep in the bathtub. Hot water aches the constant pain in my muscles and keeps me from going mad.

23. For the first time in my life, I think I have a decent haircut. I only know this because I've gotten a lot of compliments on the beard/hair combo lately. But I've always sort of hated my hair, as I've complained about on this blog. Even Lupe couldn't fix it.

24. I’m terrible at drawing, but think it’s a fair trade-off to be able to sing, instead. I sing all the time. If I could draw, I'd probably draw all the time.

25. Sometimes I think I’m a sort of mischievous goblin who thrives on non-violent chaos and mayhem. But I’m instantly chastened by the sight someone in pain. I'm like the Riddler in that Secret Origins Special "When is a Door" written by Neil Gaiman, which I used to be able to quote. "Where was I when they changed all the rules?" He laments. "The Joker's killing people, for God's sake!" I don't want anybody to get hurt, really, I just want their minds to be blown by the giant typewriter I put in the middle of Gotham City.