K: We started out at the Rainforest Cafe for lunch. You'd never heard of this place, but I'm very familiar with it - we had one at Sawgrass Mills. What'd you think?
S: I made friends with an elephant.
K: This place must be a lot of fun for kids, but so annoying for everyone else. Every 15 minutes, the animals come to life, and every 20 minutes, there's a thunderstorm.
S: Actually, the kids didn't seem to be having a lot of fun.
K: Did you like it, though?
S: It was OK. It was funny. They had the best stuff in the gift shop, it was ridiculous.
K: And then we went into the park itself. First stop: Dinosaur!
S: That was cool.
K: Why?
S: Dinosaurs!
K: So you liked this ride?
S: Yeah.
K: It wasn't too scary?
S: No, you said it was going to be scary. And I did see a little kid crying on their way out.
K: But sometimes it moves fast, that's what I'm talking about.
S: I thought it was exciting, actually, unlike most of them. They used the effects to make it exciting, but not scary.
K: So then we went to the Asia animal trail. It was nice! It's very zoo-like there, and zoos are fun.
S: True.
K: This is where we saw tigers and bats.
S: We saw some ridiculous tourists. The "Nowhere Butt Hawaii" guy [he was wearing a t-shirt featuring airbrushed bikini babes in thongs] who kept on saying all the animals were "good eatin'."
K: They probably were. But what about the tigers and bats? Any comment?
S: I liked them. And they had a mouse that was pretty cool.
K: All right. After that we went on the Kilimanjaro Safaris, featuring the most sarcastic tour guide ever.
S: Yeah, he was sarcastic.
K: But good! It was a lot of fun, and we sat in the front row!
S: Yep. We were the only people in the front row. It was fun. I thought we were gonna be better friends with the people at the end, but we all just went our separate ways.
K: What?
S: Remember the rapport we all had?
K: Oh, right. Some of those people were very chatty and jokey.
S: Actually, they were kind of obnoxious.
K: But we got really close to a rhino! And some deer or I don't know what they are.
S: That rhino is awesome. It was coming up to us. And it was big and cool. I like animals.
K: I like turtles.
K: And then we went to the Africa animal trail, where we saw that deer get on its hind legs.
S: That was adorable. Wait, that's where that ["Nowhere Butt Hawaii"] man was. Because he said that about the deer and some birds that we saw after that.
K: Right, that's right. And they had some gorillas, which I don't think I'd seen before, but it was pretty amazing.
S: I think people who don't love animals like I do get a kick out of gorillas, because they seem like people, only, you know, bigger and different. To me, we're all part of a global community...
(I give her a weird look.)
S: Hey, I'm trying to sound good for once. I liked the mouse, and I liked the gorillas.
K: I liked 'em, too! They were really big, and their faces are creepily expressive.
S: Mm-hmm, their eyes.
K: And in this week's episode of Survivor: Gabon, they went to Africa's Eden, a gorilla sanctuary. It was pretty impressive. You decided not to go on Expedition Everest.
S: Yeah, I watched about 12 of those cars go down the mountain, and I decided to not risk throwing up.
K: It wasn't that bad. I don't think the drop was as bad as Splash Mountain.
S: Really?
K: Yeah.
S: But it goes right into a turn afterward. That was the part I was worried about.
K: I didn't think it was that bad.
S: Plus, I didn't want to experience the fear of waiting in line and knowing I can't get off the ride, like I did on Splash Mountain.
K: With our FastPasses, I just waited like seven minutes each time. It was neat!
S: I would rather you have a good time twice than have you have a good time once with me possibly not.
K: That's very nice of you. That was about all we did, really. It was mostly a relaxing day in a zoo, with some rides. But I really liked Animal Kingdom! Anything else you want to say?
S: We didn't do anything else?
K: No, we just walked the animal trails. Oh, but we never talked about Downtown Disney!
S: True.
K: Downtown Disney had Earl of Sandwich...
S: Which was the highlight of your trip.
K: That was the best damn sandwich I've ever had in my life. It was the Holiday Special, with turkey and gravy and stuffing and cranberry sauce. I wish to God I had taken a picture of it. I am not kidding when I say it was one of the finest meals I've ever had.
S: I actually enjoyed Downtown Disney, 'cause I like stores. And they had some pretty weird stuff.
K: Like what? The Ariel doll?
S: That was weird. It was weird that someone had, well, you know... undressed it.
K: And weirder still was that just one of the many baby Ariel dolls appeared to be anatomically correct. The Little Mermaid vagina. I just typed that so weirdos can find us on Google. Here's a pic!
S: Also, it was pretty cute watching the kids play in the fountain.
K: I ran through it! Remember? And I didn't get wet. Also, they had a Lego store.
S: Yeah, if I recall, you got scared in that store. You got scared a lot at Downtown Disney.
K: I sure did. It was weird and different. And nighttime.
S: And at Downtown Disney, I got to see my only triple [meaning a Disney character dressed up as something else as something else]. Well, some kind of merchandise representing three different...
K: Incongruous things?
S: Yeah. Like, I saw a lot of, you know, Holiday Mickey, or Pirate Mickey, but no Holiday Pirate Mickey.
K: I wanted to see Minnie Mouse as the Virgin Mary giving birth to Pluto, but that didn't exist. However, we did get the triple...
K: It's Disney characters as Tower of Terror characters and they're also sort of Clue characters.
S: Better than nothing.
K: I don't understand why they used Pete instead of Pluto.
S: He's a dog. Dogs can't be...
K: Pluto could've been the bellhop, instead.
S: Dogs can't be bellhops.
K: Pluto would make a better bellhop than Goofy. Goofy, as that kid said, is a weirdo. I also would've liked to have seen...
S: You wanted to see Kermit Mickey.
K: That would have been the stuff of nightmares. Anyway, that was our trip! Any final thoughts on the complete package that is Walt Disney World?
S: At least I know what you're talking about now.
K: Do you miss it?
S: Actually, I was thinking about it earlier today.
K: Oh?
S: I was thinking about what a good time you had, and how it was nice to watch you have fun. I guess now I know what it's like to have a kid.
K: I'm a big boy. Do you want to go again next year?
S: No.
K: Too bad. I'm taking you there for your birthday.
Oh, Disney World! I miss you already! I wish I was there right now. But we'll always have this flickr set to remember the good times. I'll close with a picture of all we could see during the parade at Animal Kingdom.
The End.
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